Friday, November 18, 2011

When you're looking at the right angle

On my way home from tutoring tonight I rode past the giant ferris wheel landmarking E-Da World in this vast expanse of back-country hills. I thought about how strange I thought this place was, with its huge, blatantly extravagant shopping mall, luxurious hotels, amusement rides, and overpriced food. Not strange that it existed, but strange that it would be here. This is the middle of nowhere. In a forest. On some hills. And yet rich people come all the way from Taipei (also from Japan and China) to blow their money and revel in the lavish lifestyle. Apparently, I hear that it's the #1 "it" spot to be in Taiwan. I have my doubts.

While I do think it is strange to erect this fortress of consumerism in the middle of this forest, I remembered the first time I came to visit--a night out with some new-found friends, wondering what we should do after dinner. We decided to come to E-Da World to take a look around. I will admit it was worth looking.

My friends inside the mall at E-Da
What I didn't know was that a few months later I would be asked to tutor right at E-Da World. The developers of this utopia thought it would be good to put in a few schools, and include neighborhoods to house the students. As I spoke on the phone with my contact for this tutoring job, when she said "E-Da World" and its school, I knew exactly where it was. It's easy to get to from where I live. It was good for me to know that as I agreed to meet with them. God knew that it would give me the peace of mind I needed to take on this job.

"Everything happens for a reason," was my thought as I rode my scooter home. God puts people and situations and personalities and needs together into one huge storybook of life...but the amazing thing is, even the little things are mini sub-stories in themselves. God knew I needed a talkative coworker who would speak up for me about my classroom management troubles, because He knew I would be slow in speaking up for myself in asking for help. I am sure there is more to her being here than that, of course there is. But her talkativeness was something I had been struggling with (personality clash), and seeing God work through that to help me absolutely floored me. Everything is for a reason.

There was a reason why, at the beginning of this year, the principal spoke with this one teacher about the music position at MAK, and that that teacher was the one a sister from church knew and put me in contact with. That one teacher was one of the only ones at MAK who knew about the opening, and she was the one I emailed. And now she is one of my closest friends here. That is such a God thing.

Everything has a reason ... including "bad" things. There may be situations that I don't want to be in, but if God put me in them, it's going to be good. This week has seen one of the lowest points of my time here as B and I realized the long-distance and the new time change was putting an eroding strain on our communication and ultimately, our relationship. I found myself shutting down, emotionally, mentally, and verbally as I felt the gulf widen--not just with B, but with others as well. I just didn't want to deal anymore.
The reason? I find it ironic that just a couple weeks ago we were studying the armor of God. Doesn't Satan really know how to get to us? He gets us vulnerable as we build walls around our hearts, trying to stop ourselves from getting hurt even more, and we don't realize WE are the ones hurting ourselves. Discouragement and frustration can be crippling, especially when Satan catches you at your weak spot. Seems like mine was right out there in the open. Of course he wants to discourage and frustrate me.
What am I here for in Taiwan?

...
A lot could be said in response to that question. But it helps me to see what I am being distracted away from...that I cannot stay walled in and must release myself to the greater Good that He has planned for me. Because I trust that there will be good--rather, that He is Good.

Because He cannot be anything other than Good.

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