Saturday, December 10, 2011

we never catch it

Dear Matthew,

Today I visited the nursery to help watch you and your fellow friends as the nannies had their training. You and I played our little jumping game as usual, but today when you used your strong, long legs to support your own weight as I held your upper body, you laughed, in your own baby way, as one discovers their newborn emotions and their newborn delights. When did you learn to laugh? You looked me in the eyes and smirked at me, showing off your dimples. For a moment, time stood still for us.

Today I went out with some dear friends for lunch as an early get-together before the rush of the holiday activities overwhelm our birthdays. Conversation turned inevitably to past memories (even uncreated ones), and I couldn't help but think that a year from now, we will probably all be in different places. But for now, these moments--moments such as these--were created for us.

Today I went to our wedding photography studio to pick out the dresses for our photoshoot. "Lao gong hai mei lai?" one of the attendants asked me. Something stirred inside of me as I realized she was using the laymen's term for "husband" to refer to B, asking if he was here yet. Another point of realizing that yes, I am getting married. And yet also, yes, he is not here. It was a strange mixture of emotions at that moment. But it was a fleeting moment.

Funny how time works, sometimes. For you, time only exists in the meaning of feedings and naps. But in a couple months you may be shipping off to California with your new parents. I have had my fair share of comings and goings- they no longer take me by surprise. But I know that at that moment, I will keenly feel the loss of seeing your sweet little face.
But for now, I am going to love learning to laugh with you.
Because life - your life especially - is meant to be enjoyed.

Love,
your auntie

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